Feeling lonely

I’ma tell you how it feels to feel lonely.

It sucks to feel lonely everyday i feel lonely because no one hangs out with me so i sit in my room and listen to my music it calms me down but i cry sometimes and my eyes hurt from crying my heart hurts from pain my body hurts from being numb all the time, I sometimes don’t like leaving my house to go to the store because i feel like i’m not even living no one sees me unless i wear make-up i fight it everyday but every time i try to make myself happy something happens, That Monster that’s inside of me is dragging me down deeper down to the bottom of the ocean making it harder to breath, feeling lonely is the worst thing to feel at a time like this it is not fun its sad no one should feel like their alone we teens and Adults are never alone but we feel like this I, A teen feels like no one cares for me, no one wants me around, no one loves me i tell myself that so i don’t feel like i am always the happy one i try my hardest to make my Mama happy but when i cry she walks by my room and sees me crying she sits beside me says sorry she shouldn’t be sorry she said that she is sorry that i feel like this she shouldn’t be sorry like it’s her fault it’s the teens at my church’s fault and today i actually seen one of the girls who goes to my church but she waves at and she isn’t the one who is making fun of me through but i still feel like she is though and one girl sat beside me on the church van and look’d at me and look’d away and covers up her nose and says it stinks on this van i want’ed to cry because i knew who she was talking about it hurts knowing that when you don’t stink they still say you and you think you do i had a single tear running down my face, I’m just hurts knowing that someone you love is trying to get with a different girl and it hurts knowing someone you’re still stuck on for 2 years now and thinking about you’re both ex’s and it hurts knowing that i never forgiven myself of want i did for these 2 years now, I grew up knowing never have sex before marriage guess want i did had sex  2 times i never asked God for forgiveness i told my mom well i know she might yell at me or talk to me about this because she reads my post i once told her i wanted to be a hooker well i know people die of being a hooker but i never feel love’d or want’d all of the guys from my church see’s me as a toy but i don’t want to be a hooker i want to go to college after i am out of school i have 2 years now i am in 10th anyways I want to go to Henderson University for nursing and hopefully find the right man and marry him and rise a family with him and be a nurse and since i was 7 i always want’d to be a singer i still do i want to be a singer like a depression singer so i can sing how i feel and help other teens and stuff and help me as i go too and I’ve been cheated on last year but i cheated on him a month after a did he call’d me names  while we fight’ed i didn’t feel like a girlfriend i felt like a friend. I move’d on from crying over him now i am crying almost every night because of want other people say about me,

Thank you for reading my post this is ALL true

–Courtney Worthy