Feeling lonely

I’ma tell you how it feels to feel lonely.

It sucks to feel lonely everyday i feel lonely because no one hangs out with me so i sit in my room and listen to my music it calms me down but i cry sometimes and my eyes hurt from crying my heart hurts from pain my body hurts from being numb all the time, I sometimes don’t like leaving my house to go to the store because i feel like i’m not even living no one sees me unless i wear make-up i fight it everyday but every time i try to make myself happy something happens, That Monster that’s inside of me is dragging me down deeper down to the bottom of the ocean making it harder to breath, feeling lonely is the worst thing to feel at a time like this it is not fun its sad no one should feel like their alone we teens and Adults are never alone but we feel like this I, A teen feels like no one cares for me, no one wants me around, no one loves me i tell myself that so i don’t feel like i am always the happy one i try my hardest to make my Mama happy but when i cry she walks by my room and sees me crying she sits beside me says sorry she shouldn’t be sorry she said that she is sorry that i feel like this she shouldn’t be sorry like it’s her fault it’s the teens at my church’s fault and today i actually seen one of the girls who goes to my church but she waves at and she isn’t the one who is making fun of me through but i still feel like she is though and one girl sat beside me on the church van and look’d at me and look’d away and covers up her nose and says it stinks on this van i want’ed to cry because i knew who she was talking about it hurts knowing that when you don’t stink they still say you and you think you do i had a single tear running down my face, I’m just hurts knowing that someone you love is trying to get with a different girl and it hurts knowing someone you’re still stuck on for 2 years now and thinking about you’re both ex’s and it hurts knowing that i never forgiven myself of want i did for these 2 years now, I grew up knowing never have sex before marriage guess want i did had sex  2 times i never asked God for forgiveness i told my mom well i know she might yell at me or talk to me about this because she reads my post i once told her i wanted to be a hooker well i know people die of being a hooker but i never feel love’d or want’d all of the guys from my church see’s me as a toy but i don’t want to be a hooker i want to go to college after i am out of school i have 2 years now i am in 10th anyways I want to go to Henderson University for nursing and hopefully find the right man and marry him and rise a family with him and be a nurse and since i was 7 i always want’d to be a singer i still do i want to be a singer like a depression singer so i can sing how i feel and help other teens and stuff and help me as i go too and I’ve been cheated on last year but i cheated on him a month after a did he call’d me names  while we fight’ed i didn’t feel like a girlfriend i felt like a friend. I move’d on from crying over him now i am crying almost every night because of want other people say about me,

Thank you for reading my post this is ALL true

–Courtney Worthy

26 thoughts on “Feeling lonely

    1. Well the teens at my church before i quit they look at me and look away and laughs or they point and laugh or Just stare at me and 2 weeks ago at youth group at my church we got onto the church van and one of those girls looked at me and looked away and cover’d up her nose and said it stinks on this van which she was talking to me I didn’t stink because i had perfume on, when i got home i cryied in my room wondering will i ever be good enough to hang with the cool kids or will i ever be good enough to be heard or seen as a person

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      1. Everyone experience rejection at some point in time in life, what you’re going is a natural phenomenon in life and not a problem at, you’re the one actually attaching too much importance to it and making it an issue. If no one talks about you, then you are nobody. The moment you learn to ignore what people say and feel about you, then you’ll be free. You should focus more on other important things such as your career, health and family. Do things you love (not sex) and be happy. Stop bothering your head about what people think or feel. You actually don’t have any problem, what I see here is you creating a problem that doesn’t exist for yourself. You mentioned in your post that you already had sex twice because you want to be hooker or something, are you above 20? You said you were a Christian and from a family of Christian too, why don’t you focus on living your life right, using your body wrongly won’t change anything but complicate things.

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        1. I do believe in God, and I am a Christian. I have lost my footing in my walk though and I am really trying to to find it again. It is not always easy to do. I respect what you are saying and I feel you have given me alot to think about. Thank you for helping me to see a different perspective. I will be 17 this month.

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                    1. I thought you were like 20 or 19 lol but You’re not I thought you were but i love how you wrote that because i never thought about that but whenever i look around the room their already looking at me but when i walk by they stop talking so i go to the bathroom and cry but thank you for writing that today

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                    2. You’re welcome, glad I was able to help. I’ve been in your shoes too, I was raise in a humble home where I go to school with torn shots and old sandals with chopped off hills. I was once mocked by friends and class mates about my mum’s occupation as a food seller but I ignored and just focussed on what and who I want to become. Today, all those who mocked me respect me and some actually look up to me. It started when they heard I emerged as one of the best graduating student in my university and after they heard I was now a research biologist and grad student as well. All their mocking only makes me stronger. Should try read the story of Joseph in the bible in Genesis chapter 37, how he was treated badly by his own brothers and later became a ruler over them.

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                    3. I think he is the one with the colorful jacket his father made me and his brothers were mad so they sold him so a couple of people right? Anyways Thank you for all your help again, Sometimes i just wish i can find time to make myself happy but i try to make everyone else happy in the end i am the one who is getting hurt in the middle and Like i said in one of my poems I am stuck in the middle of Pain and happiness and I just want to look in the mirror without wanting to cry because i smile in the mirror and quietly Stop smiling and say i’m ugly I told my mom i call myself ugly and fat and no one loves me and no wants me around because i don’t want to be the happy one i will rather be sad so everyone can be happy like if you seen me how i am right now without a sad face but not smiling but Still i am faking it i am so broken like i’m walking on a long blade and My family believes in GOD but yet When we moved where we did i started drafting away from him

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                    4. Yeah, that’s the story…nobody is ugly, even if I’ve not seen you before I know you’re not ugly. Ugly people are people with cruel heart and unkind attitude, people who don’t care about others’ need are ugly people. But if you’ve got a kind heart, then I tell you, you are beautiful than you can ever imagine. Do not make yourself sad for others, coz you can only make other people truly happy by you being happy. A sad spirit can’t give happiness only a happy spirit can. Like I said, stop bothering yourself on what they say about you and be happy. Everyone on earth is being talked about, you can’t avoid that and people are free to say what they like it doesn’t remove a strand of hair from you. 😊

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                    5. Thank you and i do have a kind heart, And yeah i love that story and yeah people with ugly hearts are ugly anyways Thank you again for telling me this,

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                    6. That’s Awesome, I wish i can be someone who they look up too but the one who truly knows me is my best friend we were friends when we were born which is funny while my mom was pregent with me my moms friend was 6 months be hide my mom so since the womb we been best friends and she’s been where i am so i go to her for everything lol And your welcome

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            1. Have you ever heard of Skillet Falling inside the dark?
              Or Unbreakable by faydee? I’m just asking and have you ever heard of Crowder

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                1. You never heard unbreakable Well its a sad and good song everytime i listen to it i start crying out of no where even my mom said it sounds like i wrote the words but i didn’t and my mom said it sound like me singing about my feelings every word she said was like i feel

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  1. But once you get to know me I am a very nice person until you mess with my best friend and family Lol side from that i’m a good friend, and a funny friend too but I might seem happy all the time but Guess want? I’m not inside deep down My heart isn’t whole like it should it is in tiny pieces so tiny i can’t find them, I’m life is like a big knife i’m walking on the long blade and bleeding on the whole way their but once i get to the other side only part of me is on the other side

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