Pain

So much tears 

So much hurt 

So much pain

So much Anger

I’ve been depression for at least 2 years now and it got kinda worst I’m one of those teens who started cutting one scare 2 years ago one more scare in October 16th and the day before thanksgiving i did 14 more cuts because i was thinking about so much about my past and stuff and I always tell myself that i’m fat,i’m ugly i’m useless i’m worthless you think i’m happy when i smile wrong i’m crying out for help, when i’m laughing i’m broken inside first of all a few girls at my church won’t stop staring or laughing at me, For a while now my mother use to think some of this is for some attention wrong i just want to be heard,and im just ready to come out and tell everyone about my depression and few weeks ago i started going to see someone for help im now seeing a therapy and now im about to take meds for it. I try to make everyone else happy but i never find time to make myself happy i told my mama that someday i’m gone stand up to them and they won’t like the beast wants gonna wake up and throw fire balls at them lol anyways. If i lay here…and tell you how i feel would you sit and listen to want i have to say how i feel?but i don’t because i’m scared i might get judged if i tell anyone how i feel,if i cry for help you wouldn’t be around you think i’m always happy wrong deep down i’m drowning in sadness and loneliness i might be smiling but i’m crying inside. I’m in this cage in a tiny room chained to the bars on the cage and i can’t find a way out im getting tired of trying to find a way out im tired of being tired of everything,I thought the only way out is to cut and set me free i was wrong but in the same time it kinda worked but still chained here and i thought about ending my life or cutting my wrist open to be set free but i didn’t i am done feeling this much pain like this i hold my anger in so long it becomes tears if i don’t cry i take it on everyone else i make so much mistakes that i haven’t forgiven myself yet and i’m gone say this on here but i had sex before i was married but It kept me from getting closer to god whenever i listen to Crowder forgiven-lyrics i cried the other day it was my first listening to it and it got to my heart from the first word,

Do you know want it’s like to cry all the time?

Do you know want it’s like to feel unwelcome at a church?

Do you know want it’s like to feel like you don’t deserve to live sometimes?

Do you know want it’s like to feel like you did something wrong?

I know how it feels i feel like this everyday

Do you know want it’t like to feel trapped?

Do you know want it’s like to feel lonely?

Do you know want it’s like to have barley any friends?

Do you know want it’s like to feel Invisible?

Maybe some of you teens like me ever heard of a song called unbreakable by Faydee its a depression song even my mom says it sounds like i wrote it but i didn’t i almost cried while showing her the song from the first word to the last word is how i feel i feel like im being kicked while im down i feel like people is trying to shut me out i feel left out i feel like a outcast i sometimes ich to the point i bleed sometimes if i dont want to cut i ich to i bleed

I will write some of my feels tomorrow i wrote letters about how i feel and im writing them on here im copy my letters and typing them on here so i can tell people how i feel

 

 

–Courtney Elizabeth Worthy

I’m 16 yrs old